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How the fuck do you lose a giraffe, in Texas no less!? WHOM EVER let Jeffrey get out on their watch…needs that ass fired! Expeditiously.

Someone clearly wants to write noir.

Somebody will off her and claim "stand your ground"

Texas

Honestly, how the hell do you lose a giraffe?? I hope whoever stole her is kind to her.

...and she had a coat that wouldn't quit...

Has anyone ask Trupm? Because he can find the giraffe every time!

Agreed. Although this is the most fun the writer has probably had in ages and here you are ruining it for them 🤣

Has anyone checked with rfk jr's menu plans?

Weird Cake lyrics, but Short Skirt Long Jacket’s lost verses are a banger.

How do you lose a fucking giraffe? 🦒 It’s a fuckin giraffe.

You'd think they'd only need one helicopter to find a giraffe...

This guy did it👇🏽

Did you hear about the kangaroo in the wild, last week, in Boucherville? They caught him after a few days and sent him on his merry way to Granby Zoo and him Joey... www.lapresse.ca/actualites/i... But both news kinda make you expect they're a "Florida Man" meme...

Huh?!?!? Just where does a giraffe hide?

Not funny. Tragic.

northwest of san antonio? I think she saw footage of wemby and fell in love. go to him, gracie! ❤️🦒

It’s Texas. some MAGA hat wearing Republican has already made barbeque with it

I guess that camouflage is more effective than you’d think.

Je me souviens d'un animal que j'ai perdu, le désespoir que j'ai ressenti. J'espère qu'on retrouvera cette créature magnifique, avec sa robe incroyable et sa silhouette imposante.

is there a reward?

Editor: You write the lead-in for the escaped giraffe story? Social Media Manager: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked

nothing needs to be added. we're all thinking the same three things.

I've never seen an adult human with a neck that size.

Have they looked up?

She’s def laying down sleeping peacefully somewhere lol

One person in San Antonio can look straight ahead

Oh shit. If these exotics get out of their ranch in Texas they are fair game. I bet someone blasts it.

She just wants some privacy. You can find her at the local HEB, examining the avocados while wearing Raybans so she won't be noticed.

Chandler first draft "and out of all the private eye offices in the world, she walked into mine."

"Ok, we'll use a 5 foot fence next time!"

Having one in Texas is a great start.

How do you lose a giraffe?

Hope she's safe! #TeamGracie

Check with Don Jr.'s taxidermist.

Legs just as long as an adult human neck? We will use anything but the metric system.

neck the size of an adult human's.... neck? legs as long as a humans neck? i really imagined an odd looking giraffe when i read this at first.

Gracie is fleeing to a blue state

We really will use anything but the metric system

That's lovely. I always thought giraffes would look very cool in SW wilderness areas, maybe it will finally happen!

"She got a neck the size of an average human mother."

Oh- it seems familiar

kelly loeffler on the loose

Jalen Brunson kidnapped him

People don't believe me when I tell them this, but they aren't that large, it's mainly a trick of perspective, they're the size of house cats.

Practice.

You'd think it would be spotted

It ain't easy, but they found a way.

I imagine a breakdown in trust or communication. Sometimes it's quick, but sometimes it breaks down over time and you just drift apart.

i did it! all three btw

Whatever you do, don’t say Texans are by and large, dumb AF.

I thought this said "just as long as an unforgettable coat" and I thought that was a very interesting turn of phrase

On her way to a blue state.

They need a new detective

Last seen in a Spurs jersey running out of a press conference in tears

How come you don’t see giraffes hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

Giraffe is trying to catch a boat out of the US. Can't blame her.

It's the camouflage.

Presumably a QR Code on her ankle.

DJTJ went hunting.

I want a giraffe with a short skirt and a loooooooong jacket.

There's a @thebandcake.bsky.social reference at the top of my feed daily. This place has the (millennial) juice

Na na na na na na Na na na na naaa na

Or Cake?

All she has to do to hide is keep her head down, so ... ... and I read later that she got found. I guess she didn't keep her head down, after all.

"Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lamb!"

Frank Drebbin monologue-ass headline

I hope she's having a blast.

Where's the giraffe?

I only see a tree in this photo?

Good deal.

$50 says she become a maga trophy.

can understand why it’s hard to find a giraffe. I hear there’s a test where you have to identify a giraffe vs a monkey and only a very few high IQ individuals can tell the difference.

All that neck that ho being trafficked

Texas always poised to keep Florida from hogging all the glory in the "dumb animal mishaps" category.

HOW DO YOU LOSE A GIRAFFE/?!

That ranch is for “game”, breeding and hunting. Though giraffes aren’t hunted there, all kinds of antelope are. F*** Texas.

“She walked into my office just a week ago. She had a neck the size of an adult human, legs that were just as long and an unforgettable coat. And now she was missing. “ (Raymond Chandler, The longneck goodbye)

I know the price of beef is insane but I don’t think the Texans need to go that far

They're going to find her behind the mall necking with some guy.

Chances are that ranch missing the giraffe has private hunts for exotic species and her days were numbered. Maybe she’s better on the run?

How are all these giraffes going missing?

Go, Gracie! If you can make it up to Wisconsin, we’ll take care of you.

Need to look high and high to find it

The giraffe has eloped with a tortoise so the authorities are searching 'high and low' for them. Seriously though, she needs to be found and quick.

I’m sorry?

Someone at NBC is tryna fuck this giraffe.

I think I saw-- no wait, that one's reticulated. Never mind.

Given the number of guns in Texas…

We all know who to call.

“Which ones boss, cuz we can go Derrick or Pumpjack and we’ll just disappear.”

I’m an adult human and my neck is nothing like that

Exactly I’m on team giraffe - be free!! Give her a map to Mexico where she’ll be treated with respect!

I want this to end in a free Willy style montage where the giraffe is roaming Texas with a herd of white tail. I fear it already ended with some wannabe cowboy trying giraffe steaks.

She's making one of those funny 'run while swinging your arm with the leg on the same side' videos. I've seen one of them - she's a pro.

Took me 3 re-reads to get the meaning as intended 😄

😂

Ooooooooooooooh

I feel like maybe a tree trunk comparison would’ve been more useful….

Oh god damn - I was so confused!

*noir detective voice* This dame walked into my office. She had legs the size of a dame, and a neck just as long.

Okay, so, she was stolen.

have they tried looking up