Not Space Karen

No, I am not signing that fucking petition.

in the past 24 hours, Kane won the Ballon d'Or, while Mbappé had to apologise for a joke about Chairman Mao.

whatever's up there making a massive bloody racket, they've got their transponders turned off. USAF, probs.

Keep your so-called Soccer Aid, this is what the world needs now.

Anyway, congrats Harry, you do deserve it, but let us always remember you like this 🙏🏼

Congratulations to Harry Kane.

Come on Israel, give us the treble

Robert Robinson looking like he's just ordered his boys to bounce you off the wall for being a thieving slag

Nothing says Christmas like vulgarity. Royle Family and Fanny Cradock cards at www.etsy.com/shop/8bitnorthxstitch

My favourite part of this is that there is a tiger called Simon, which is the least tigerish name ever.

RIP

personally I prefer it when Kane drops deep and allows others to win the Ballon d'Or

Only felon got immunity

I suddenly randomly remembered that back on Twitter I thought it was funny to talk about his name being short for “elongated muskrat,” which it was, but wow, those were more innocent days

Thank you to the hundreds of devoted supporters who were there to cheer me on at the press conference today.

Sorry, let's just get this out the way. YOUR CHANCELLOR SIGNED THE FECKIN LETTER APPROVING THE BOE'S QT DECISION, LIZ. THE. DAY. BEFORE. THE. MINI-BUDGET. Jesus Christ.

Five things I would like to see maxxed: 1. shutting the fuck up-maxxing 2. getting your ticket ready before the barrier-maxxing 3. imprisonment for grifters-maxxing 4. Florence Pugh in every film-maxxing 5. money being paid into my bank account for no reason-maxxing

This went on for the rest of the full hour, at which point the BBC apologised for having to go to the weather and urged viewers to follow continuing live coverage on iPlayer. Forty-one minutes of unfiltered, unchallenged propaganda by a far right party with 8 MPs, now third in the polls. Discuss.

It's 55 years since Michael Caine beat up Alf Roberts

This cat toy has seen some things.

Vucic concedes defeat! Political earthquake in the Balkans!

Do you hear that? It's the sound of quiet, of no fucking wind whatsoever. God, it's great 🥰

The Miss Marple series starring Joan Hickson is now on iPlayer. And, unlike the last time, episodes will now be on there for a year! #MissMarple

I say, I say, I say! Here is a joke I’ve been trying to write for a decade, but I think it only works as a diagram — so, BEHOLD! The fog on the Tyne is all mime

I restrained myself from saying to next door that they shouldn't have bought lap panel fences because of the strength of the gusts we get from across the farmland to the west. They'd already bought them, no point! Anyway, they're down at least one panel, so I'll be privately smug.

WIMDY

I remember posting that on FB years ago and my MiL getting furious about it 😆

a lot of women owe me an apology

Due to a miscommunication, the dog has just been given second breakfast. Ah well.

Yes yes clocks go back and it’s Stonehenge Meme Day again. But you never see the Coastguard banging on about puttting the tides back an hour, do you?

Amazing info!

a raven just flew into my chamber and started quothing but I gave it some quoth mixture & that sorted it out

As predicted, that was a terrible night's sleep; even contemplated getting up to do some drawing at one point 🙄

Clocks altered, perimeter checked, animals fed, coffee made. Back to bed.

First I found out this place used to be owned by HITLER and now it’s BURNING DOWN???? This spa weekend could not possibly be going worse 😭

Lorna Sharkey, contemporary artist, known for her hand painted stained glass artworks #Womensart #Sunday

I have enough trouble sleeping without giving me an extra hour to fail to sleep through 🙃

You probably know about the Jaffa Cakes VAT thing, but here are a bunch of others compiled for your tax nerdy pleasure by @timharford.ft.com www.ft.com/content/2b77...