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See also, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck...

imagine if youtube was a burger

In today’s edition of “People Unclear on the Concept”…

Is it uncharacteristic for Alioto to be your older brother's stoner friend who thinks he's really on to something?

Do you remember the Kids in the Hall sketch that included “if my head were made of veal, which clearly I know it is not, but if my head were made of veal how much would it cost?”

If YouTube were stored on DVDs, how much would it weigh? What about VHS tapes? Betamax?

I had the same thought: bsky.app/profile/rana...

just with mustard

It might hurt!

HEY! [head wobbling]

Well, only my most delicious half, obviously.

Naw, brown mustard and stewed onions!

No, but I would slather myself in condiments all day every day.

"…Would there be condiments?"

This just made me laugh harder than anything else on this site has, thought you should know

"Well, we cited Lipnicki in our brief for the proposition that the human head weighs eight pounds, and well, from there it's simple matter of arithmatic, converting heads into tubes. I'm afraid I can't do that math on my feet right here, but if the Court would like supplemental briefing [LAUGHTER]"

If the moon was made of green cheese, would you eat it?

Surprised I did see someone ask "What's a Henway?" as a follow-up.

Justice Alito, I present to you, the internet.

"This, Jen, is the internet."

m.youtube.com/watch?v=CtVc...

Maybe smashing it with a hammer is the best way to return to normal?

AT&T tried.

That’s only for the millennial babies scared of even making a phone call and all their rules and “safety”. You just stick a screwdriver in there and should discharge everything. As long as you have shoes on it’s probably safe.

Yes, once in September 1993 and once in April 2014.

Very koan.

The obvious answer is "none more black."

@xkcd.com What if YouTube were a newspaper? How much would it weigh?

and these are the people in charge! ffs he’s not even that old. is there any context that makes this not imbecilic?

J: “Are you trying to be funny?” Response: “No, sir, I’m just hoping you’ll realize that’s the stupidest question I’ve been asked in my entire career and withdraw it.”

Once again I point out that it’s called the Supreme Court for the same reason Taco Bell calls it a Burrito Supreme. Not cause it’s the best, just the best they can do.

I prefer to measure YouTube by the weight of the series of tubes it takes to deliver it to me.

If, let's say, Youtube was a comic scribbled in the margins of an exercise book where every frame of video is one page, how much would it weigh?

If YouTube were a banana, could you grip it perfectly in your hand?

If you wish for horses, then wishes are horses.

if you were a tree, what tree would you be?

Does weight more than a European swallow?

That's the kind of thing Ben Stiller's character would ask in Zoolander

On the next xkcd "What If?"

Yeah… I think he’s thinking of a big book of YouTube videos and I’m struggling to see how he didnt just have a stroke

They're not sending their best.

Depends on the frame rate and viewport. Let’s say 24 fps at 2x1.2”, for 360 frames per side of 24”x36” newsprint, or 15 seconds (no margins). 2 sheets (both sides) for a minute. So 19 billion sheets for the ~9.5B minutes on the site, or 38M reams. Reams are at least 22lbs, so … more than 800M lbs.

Does a website make a sound in the forest?

That’s easy. It weighs 9.1 x 10^-25 kg.

Evergreen

All the video would make it heavier

On an SSD, a bit position with a negative charge is infinitesimally heavier than one with a positive charge owing to the mass of electrons. Therefore we must first establish... Oh, you're just dicking around here until you vote the way the Federalist Society demanded? Cool, yeah, I'll shut up.

what does that mean

If it weighs the same as a duck, it's a witch or something

This is going to be the next Google job interview question.

"If it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college"

The message is not the medium.

This is why the internet is a dump truck: it has to carry the weight of all the YouTubes. We’re doomed.

I don't know—but could we roll it up and hit him with it anyway to see?

If the NYT was a video, how long would it be?

How can a newspaper be like a series of tubes?

If the Constitution were a worm, would you still follow it to the slimy, ridged letter?

Little known fact: This is one of the brain teasers we all had to respond to when going through the Google interview process.

That moment in the Dunks commercial when Ben Affleck asks, "Who is Tik Tok?"

"They call 'em fingers, but I've never seen 'em fing."

I came here hoping someone would mention and link this thank you for your service

What a strange way to try and describe archiving a meme for it's cultural significance.

Six pounds, same as in town.

This is so wild

HEY! I’M RIGHT HE..oh you mean Alito. Carry on.

@xkcd.com possible inclusion for What If? 3

If the "sir, this is a Wendy's" had come *after* Alito's comment, it would have almost made sense. Almost.

Blink182wtf.gif

Justice Alito doing his best Art Donovan “well how much does this guys weigh” impression

I now suspect that your wife is running the simulation. Certainly that has occurred to you?

Remember in SimCity when you got bored with a save, so you would hit the disaster button over and over again before starting a new game? It's like that but they have an "Absurd" button. Reality Winner is the name of the person given the longest prison sentence ever for leaking govt secrets.

I feel like the overwhelming quantity of them lends credence to this theory

I have never been told I’m fun at parties and I also can probably count the number of parties I’ve been to on one hand 😅

Woah

JUSTICE ALITO: I mean, have you ever really looked at your hand, man?

I'm so glad someone else immediately thought of this!

What, like if they print out each frame of each video on a separate page so you can flip through it?

To be fair, YouTube requires continuous storage to run, massive amounts of data running between servers, so that must have weight.

If YouTube was made out of veal, which I know it is not, how much would it be worth? youtu.be/0Jkm6aYYdB8?...

www.npr.org/sections/kru...

More than a pound of feathers, less than a pound of quarters.

Someone did some math. (I haven't checked it.) bsky.app/profile/heav...

Is every frame a separate image?

It’s all cloud storage. Clouds weigh nothing

If YouTube were a newspaper? WTF is Samuel Alito talking about?

How many petals does water move when a street?

...what does that even mean?

I also don't understand the analogy of a telephone call between private parties where people can say a lot of bad things vs. a public social media post where a lot of people say bad things and a lot of people people see those bad things. These are not equivalent. Maybe only in the context of DMs.

Porque no los dos?