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Ever notice how many men see a woman doing something they think is risky (like traveling alone) and immediately assume she’s naive and stupid - instead of assuming she’s intentionally taking a calculated risk? They can’t imagine a woman might do something even mildly dangerous on purpose.

Once you start looking out for this, you’ll start seeing it everywhere. (I suggest Reddit communities dedicated to travel). These dumb dudes all think they’re hardcore Operators even if they’ve never been anywhere scary than London, and *they* assume all women are too stupid to calculate risk.

Naturally, these are the exact same guys who start frothing with rage around the “women would prefer to meet a bear in the woods than a human man” concept, because they don’t understand that every woman that dates cis men IS taking a highly calculated and very serious risk.

“This woman must be traveling alone in a place I, a big strong man, believe is Too Scawy and Exotic because she’s really stupid.” Meanwhile, they just assume a man doing the exact same thing knows the dangers perfectly well and is cool and brave.

It’s inherently hilarious that the gender with the shorter life expectancy thinks they’re better at assessing risk. I mean the sample size we have on this experiment is ENORMOUS, and yet…. bsky.app/profile/fain...

As evidenced by all those "I shouldn't have survived" survival stories that start with a man going out poorly prepared, in the wrong season, in the wrong weather, armed only with his overinflated ego. (And somehow it's always a man, or a man dragging along his vulnerable family)

After about a dozen easily identifiable mistakes, he reminisces "it's at that point I knew I'd lost control of the situation" (and everyone rolls their eyes because the situation went south the moment he decided to kayak a difficult route out of season with an inexperienced buddy and summer gear)

I know far too many of these types, including one who - after his first African exposure travelling through Ghana & Burkina Faso in a larger group - managed to get himself all the way to Mozambique and end up spending several months in jail there.

Oh I witnessed that so many times in Cairo, Paris, Tunis, Istanbul, etc, etc Once, I witnessed middle aged white dude almost got his ass pummeled in Accra big open market. He was saved by a bunch of Ghanaian women. It weren’t for them, that dude would’ve been beaten like a piñata.

Jakarta 1993 I pulled a handsy, irate, and drunk middle-aged Dutch guy (probably younger than I am now) out of a very rough bar, put him in a cab and handed half the cash in my wallet to the driver. 20 mins later he walked back in. The next time he went out through a plate-glass window.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 They never learn!

I salute and entirely support the legions of sex workers who have made very good money off of the profound overconfidence of dumb privileged men who think they’re the baddest motherfucker to ever book an airplane ticket to somewhere where they Speak Foreigner.

for example, I used to live in Cambodia, and you can guess the demographic of that guy who got shot in the ass by a security guard after he got wasted one night and refused to get off the hood of a government official’s expensive black SUV

Anyway dear cis men: for the love of God, stop offering unsolicited Travel Security advice to people unless they explicitly ask for it.

Coming from a military family where it was drilled into our heads to always respect local laws no matter what, my reaction whenever the State Department intervenes to get some chud out of trouble in another country is:

Say more about this, I would assume that many of these men are bad customers for anyone, the kind that should generally be fired.

they’re very stupid which means it’s easy to extract their money

So many people were horrified that I traveled with just The Kid to New Orleans and took public transit the entire time. Meanwhile I felt safe as houses because there was a buffet of overconfident fools available for predators to choose from.

The amount you get with sober, vaguely paying attention, not at bar closing time, not trying to buy something illegal, and not following a stranger down a dark alley is surprisingly high.

My husband isn't even one of these Big Tough Operator Guy types, but this behavior is SO ingrained in American masculinity that he still occasionally succumbs to the temptation to think he's required to "protect" me.

Even in situations where, in any abstract conversation, he would openly admit I'm more knowledgeable/competent than he is ... put us in the moment, and suddenly Boy Brain takes over. Boy Brain never helps, sometimes actively makes things MORE dangerous.

I have a second story, too. Paris. It’s midnight and I just got off a train. Have to find my hotel—and the shortest route is through a cemetery. Stopped by two Brit dudes who insisted they buy me a cab/escort me because ‘danger’ in graveyard. Me: “Sir, everyone there is dead.”

I was walking back to my hotel at night in Switzerland when I was a teen traveling alone. Now Switzerland of course is a lot safer than the US, but it was dark! I remember feeling I was surrounded, and hearing some rustling and then bells.

I realized I’d wandered into a field and was surrounded by cows! Anyway, I made my way through and they left me alone. The only time I felt at risk on that trip was when a US guy tried to pick me up 🙄.

As if anyone feels safe around the kind of probably-drunk British men hanging around Paris at midnight.

I went by myself to Moscow for research some years ago. I rocked up to Senchenov and my colleague (a Brit who lives in Russia) had a near melt down on discovering I spent the day traveling about alone by rail and was doing just fine. ‘But you don’t speak Russian—and you and US woman person.’

White dudes think that just because they spot a few big guys in a bar and "assessed the threat landscape" it makes them Jason Bourne lol

This is really funny to me bc one of my friends went to Brazil last year with her now-ex-boyfriend, and if I remember correctly he got into a needless fracas with a customs agent that she and her travel companions were all worried would land them in jail….

Oh yes. Drove with BF from Toronto to Vancouver in 90s, driving someone else's car (when you could do that). He lost his shit when I jokingly let the customs agent search the car. Like dude, getting your hackles up with them or me is not going to help...

Yeah, being chill is probabilistically your best way of getting out of a lot of potential jams…

at an early age i recognized my father was the fucking problem everywhere we went. i started going places by myself as soon as i could; i felt safer and more competent on my own. i taught my mom she could do it too; yankee games in the Bronx, the us open in queens, concerts in newark—without him 😁

this is why the overwhelming majority of gila monster bites are young white men also wildly overrepresented in the rattlesnake bite stats too

That’s my big, tough baby brother. He was horrified when we went to South Africa. So dangerous! They kill people there! I think he’s only ever been to Jamaica in his life, when he was a teenager.

Did he actually go to Jamaica, or did he stay at a resort the whole time? Because that comment about South Africa sounds like something a resort-only visitor would say.

Everyone with real conflict management experience, including most of the police officers I’ve known who’ve worked in real dangerous jurisdictions, will emphasize how deescalation skills are the most important thing to have.

I have met a number of small women (and some small men) who have 100% successfully and non-violently talked themselves and outwitted themselves out of dangerous scenarios

Even in the usual places. Something like 80% of the hiking deaths in the alps are men over 40. No ability to risk assess! And being in that demographic I've felt that. Somehow even worse than being a teenager if you let hubris get a foothold.

My experience in the Alps is as a climber and I think part of the issue is the proximity of serious mountains to large population centers along with easy access. So you're more likely to get people there without the necessary background to access risk properly.

Easy and close access is why something like 100 people per year die, but the rate for older men is disproportionately high. Apparently, particularly for Italian men according to an article I read. Have my own boring alps story from last summer - even experienced hikers need to stay humble.

Interesting. I wonder if those stats are the same in the states. I’m guessing it’s the demographic that’s not used to having their credentials questioned. So many hiking accidents I read about, the person is reached as an expert hiker. Then I read the details of how it all happened.

*referred to* as an expert hiker

Yes - our friends used to do a new years camping thing on BLM land every year with no incident. One year a friend of a friend who was “extreme weather trained” showed up, did a lot of wrong things based on cockiness, and… well, he wound up dead

Oh dear

Coming back from Thailand and showing people some cool little trinkets I got and inevitably some dude wants to tell a story about how good he haggled something in a 3rd world bazaar and I’m like, “well full price was like $2.50 USD so I figured I’d save 10 min of being a dick and just pay it.”

Obligatory

Friend insists that I am going to get killed in “the Balkans” and leaves “to hang out in Amsterdam.” 1998. I had a life changing experience, make life-long friends, found my career, and got to rush to Amsterdam where my friend has been beaten half to death by a motorcycle gang.

There are certain people who are able to find trouble no matter where they look. Not a great superpower! I'm sure that somewhere there is a woman with this tendency but 100% of the people I know who could get their ass kicked at a Shrewsbury IHOP are male

Skill issue. In that it takes real skill to even stumble across a Dutch motorcycle gang in 1998, let alone get them pissed off enough at you to beat you up.

“Haha why’d you pack so much? You women and your stuff! I’m a minimalist man and only need this small backpack.” “Hey can I borrow your sunscreen/toothpaste/ibuprofen/bandaids/hairbrush/tissues/portable phone charger/hand sanitizer?”