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So are mine, but for entirely different reasons

It’s brilliant. 😉

Giving a shit, authentically, goes hard. An uplifting reminder!

Which says everything about said subject matter True banger, Andrea

It was pure genius. I’ve not stopped laughing til I’m crying for past half hour.😂👏👏👏

A worthy apropos 1:30 minutes youtu.be/MG6S2PwPVLA?...

Apologies for chortling - I realize there's nothing funny about home invasion, but the mental image is just too great. Your hubs was brave and strong, probably powered by his phenomenal gut biome!

Yeah, but I bet you had to clean it up.

hroom, now now, young hobbit, let’s not be too hasty

I wish to be notified by someone blaring the following at me as loud as humanly possible www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRvE...

I would like the Kool-Aid Man to burst through my wall shouting "OH YEAH!" Sure, it'll be expensive to repair the wall but that's why we have insurance.

I want to be awakened with a glass of Champagne, a rousing toast, and a pj dance party. 💃

Oh wait now I know what this is about Yeah my dad is a Trumper. I wanna wake up so I can grin around him :3

I want someone to wake me up, explain I’m not dreaming and then tell me slowly

My husband knew instinctively to wake me when it was announced he had Covid. In a strong relationship, they'll just know your wishes.

Apparently, I’m going to be the party pooper who says “He doesn’t matter. The Heritage Foundation and Project 20 whatever is calling all the shots and will keep on doing so.” Sorry. #thetrutthisnotfunnay #partypooper #heritagefoundation

Don’t worry, he’s rotting too much to be a vampire.

Here's one to add- Wake me up before you go so I can be there at the happy ending!

Obviously I do want to be wakened. I mean, I may not go out and dance in the street until daylight but I want to know ASAP.

I imagine i will be awakened to the sounds of horns blaring in the street and seemingly random fireworks blasting in the sky... ... and in that moment...i will know

💙👊🏻

No need to wake me up, the fireworks and automatic gunfire will take care of that.

There'll be a run on the good stuff and you'll be left drinking swill at one of the greatest moments of your life. Don't let this happen to you!

If a celebratory bottle should happen to die while in the shelter, put it outside, but remember to tag it first for identification purposes.

I want the surprise, the slow reveal.

I just asked my husband what his wishes were if there was news of, say, an aneurysm. He goes to sleep before I do. Did he wish to be awakened? Him: if it's yours, I expect you'll wake me. Otherwise, no. Me: You get up early, if there is overnight news, wake me. Immediately. We are so different.

Wake me, wake me, wake me!!!

I was in the grocery store when Diana died. People were finding out and telling strangers. It was very quiet and people were sad. This will be totally different!

@gothtatertot.bsky.social

I don’t care if I’m on the toilet, I’d better be one of the first to hear it

Thank you for reminding me us. Take care and stay safe too💕🕊️💕🕊️💕

The batteries in my megaphone are fresh.

I love that Liza outlived him, and that he died on my 40th birthday. That was a hell of a birthday present.

that's how i found out oj died.

Preferably i want to turn to my lover in bed and they whisper: "honey, you don't believe what just happened while you were asleep"

Sounds gay

Cool post

Oh dammit.

I'm calling you right away, @mikechenwriter.bsky.social @brandonhoang.bsky.social, I don't care the hour, haha.

Anyone who doesn’t msg me when It happens automatically moves down a tier.

I’d worry about the ones who don’t want to be awakened.

If you're ready, they're ready. Give them a hot toddy and confetti. 🌈

I need to give someone in America my ph #!

My wife let me sleep when Kirk bit it and waking up seeing her ecstatic and saying the name Charlie Kirk was confusing as hell for a solid 20 minutes until my brain turned on I also learned of the queen's passing from a meme of Lain dancing to the radio being interrupted by the BBC broadcast

The number of out-of-office auto-responder emails that are going to amount to, "I am out, and I am absolutely blitzed, and should not be trusted with electronic devices or sharp objects, and I will be back in the office when I am good and ready, GOOD DAY!" I can't wait.

Instead of amber alert ringing on every phone it will be an “Orange” Alert. It will play the entire “Funkytown” song. Followed by fireworks on every street.

Two years ago, my son called me at 1:30 am. For a few seconds, I thought it had happened. Turns out he hit a deer and was shaken. Those few seconds though, were glorious.

I'm sorry for the people who don't want to be woken up, but I'm going to scream so loud you'll all hear me.

The best way to be prepared is to have the party planning done in advance, that way you can just book the restaurant and send invites right away.

😅😅😅

Ha! When the Bluejays won two World Series in a row, there was a-honking I hope to hear again. It was like the angels were honking from heaven.

I've been getting a lot of solace from... www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/whe...

I was just thinking that! Same. #IfNotDeadImpeach

I wish this for all of us, too, Andrea. Truly, I do.

I've got a bottle of Asti in the fridge already 😂

Same

I thought this was going to be about War or something, but the comments are telling me it's about something way better. I'm sure I'll be shaken awake in such events.

Bottle of champagne at the ready.

I know! 👋 We need an alert button around our neck: “He’s fallen and won’t get back up!” 💡

There are two things that I insist on being woken up for immediately: a new Neil Cicierega Mouth mixtape, and when it happens.

That sounds LOVELY!

Lmfao

So funny. It’s really something when I can read a post like this and know exactly what it’s talking about without any real detail.

😅😅😅

I want all phones to go off like an Amber Alert

Everyone needs an around the neck alarm — “He’s fallen and won’t be getting back up!”

I really, really, really don't want to laugh. I don't want to have to go to Confession AGAIN for thinking about it with joy but man this was funny.

I expect to be awakened by car horns and fireworks.

Because only the good die young

I want to be woken up! But I’m checking my phone in the middle of the night so I’m probably gonna be the first to know if it happens in the middle of the night.

I want it to come to me unprepared. By the shrieks of joy I hear in the street, by waking up to No One Mourns the Wicked, by opening this app and seeing a post about it. Manifest. Destiny.

We would both jump out of bed armed and ready 😂😂

Exactly!!

My mom would definitely call me, probably a group call with my brothers. Unless I somehow found out first, then I'd call her.

I want one of those "amber alerts" or "tornado warning" on my phone - jerk me right out bed so I can go shoot off my stashed fireworks!

3 am Pacific time and I’m checking right now!

The only acceptable way for it to happen is for him to have a heart attack on live tv, shit himself so bad it pours out the sides of the Depends, then he faceplants down on the resolute desk in a pool of drool and bile Public and on camera PLEASE

I expect to be awakened by the laughter of nature.

I need you all to @ me

I think that’s likely but there are worse than JD. Really sorry

I agree wholeheartedly. My favourite cheese is "all the cheese"

Unless he went in a spectacularly funny way. In which case bring that bottle of Vergelegen we bought on honeymoon.

Has emergency preparedness ever been more crucial than it is right now? "Where were you when it happened?" BLUESKY. THAT'S WHERE.

Definitely, wake me up!

It will change nothing so I don't care.

Yeeeeesssssssz!!! The whole world will instantly start smiling and celebrating 🍾 We will just know!

well this is inspirational, let me try it tomorrow lol

A couple of days ago, I got an alert on my cell phone, when I was in the shower. I spent the time in there wondering what it was about. I wondered if they would set off an alert when that happened. Hopeful, but it turned out to be just about the weather. Bummer.