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An inevitable skin irritation that erupts while trying to do real programming.

Its a musical about coffee.

It's like Go, but for people who like dependencies.

Oracle's main business model?

It’s the official language of the indigenous peoples of Java, existing only as an oral tradition, set to a 7 note musical scale, with no written components.

'Javascript; East of Karakatoa'. That's the best I got.

Just Another Very Annoying Series of Computer Returns and Inputs for Programs and Types

The amazing and horrifying reality is that it can be whatever you want it to be. 👾

A miserable pile of secrets.

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😜😜

I always assumed it was the code you wrote after too much coffee...I'll let myself out.

Well, see… Back in the late 20th century, someone realized that browsers sometimes needed to execute client-side code and invented a new scripting language called LiveScript. Then Java became the hot new buzzword and they stupidly decided to rename LiveScript to JavaScript. It’s been downhill since.

All y'all are givin me a good chuckle tonight even though I understand maaaybe half of the gobbledygook you're saying. Who says BlueSky doesn't have a sense of humor?

If I know what it is can I have a job? 👉👈

JavaScript, or GNU ECMAScript as I prefer to call it, is

JavaScript is a thing that I don't know why, it doesn't even matter how hard you try... oopsie! Got distracted.

What do you say @internet.bsky.social ? 😅

It's those symbols baristas put on the top of your coffee with foam

The cosmos is within us. all this is made of star-stuff. javascript is a way for the universe to fuck itself,

The Java programming language, but you ctrl+i everything to make it italic

Script grown from seedlings smuggled into Indonesia by Dutch traders.

Javascript? Who told you about- Look, some free advice? You don't want to let people catch you debugging Javascript. It's not a good look. Or writing it for headsets for that matter

It's when they write your name on the side of the coffee you ordered

An abomination unto the gods

No one really knows, we just say we understand it and then all nod, accomplices in an unending lie.

Or, Javascript — what is this?

A headache in more ways than one: javascript.tm 🦕 🌧️

Java written in cursive

It’s your Starbucks order ticket

It's how you script Java

I don't believe you. There can't be anything worse than PHP. This javascript thing is a hoax.

it’s the last thing you see before you die

It’s just another name for Java

An abomination

A ubiquitous scripting language that has nothing to do with the language Java.

It’s a code that produces coffee without tariffs

I thought that's common knowledge! Java-script is of course a written Indonesian language

Wow, really going to casually mention the old dark secrets of the web?

At one point I was the maintainer of record for the only bit of C# in Google’s monorepo It was a tiny ActiveX control to bootstrap into the Chrome installer from IE6, and I loved it like an idiot child

And no Silverlight either 😎

It’s like css but you get hacked

amazing language until you get to that one part you hate and it's clunky and it becomes the worst programming language of all time but besides that it's an amazing language

A prescription for coffee I believe #DoNOTTalkToMeBeforeMyCoffeePills

Thank you!

lmao yep

Look, it was life changing in Internet Explorer when you were a boy.

That thing you use to bootstrap typescript.

the way that java.util.Date became immortal

It's the ancient language of the city of Jakarta

Nondairy creamer

I told ChatGPT a three-sentence story about someone who didn't have any experience with computers and asked it to help me explain what JavaScript is; it processed for several seconds and told me this: (asking it to retry resulted in the same empty response)

It's the Ruby on Rails of Adobe Fireworks.

A type of bizarre and usual torture

It's part of this dynamic html thing my friend keeps telling me about

It's a rotting log holding open a shed door. Everytime someone goes in the shed, they think, "someone should replace that". But no one ever did.

inevitable doom

Nobody knows but we can’t get by without it

If you find out, let me know

Mets start winning as you announce you stopped working on the app. Hmm.

Well, when a mommy line of code, and a daddy line of code love each other very much

I think it’s like Cold Fusion.

Iced coffee

what about it

scream

Imagine Typescript with the types

Javscript is an uglier version of TrueBasic from 1990. Same frickin' idea though.

Weedy scrub grass found in the American southwest.

🤣

a miserable little pile of secrets

😂

Just need to open the gate to a world sinking into a black hole. Infinite power and as slow as electron apps!

so that's what Stargate: Continuum was all about, going back in time to delete left-pad from history

It explains why they were able to maintain a stable wormhole. The gravity well from the node_modules was more than enough.

In this essay, I will...

No one knows

It's EVIL.

What is love?

it's just C++ I bet

lmao. the thing that makes all you web pages crash and reload / resize constantly on your phone.

Paul. It's so bad

It's when they write "saul" on the side of your coffee at the cafe

no it’s OOP as well (with cool OOP features like proxies) The features of Smalltalk (technically Self) and Scheme delivered in the most roundabout warped way possible it’s good now, after a budget no other programming apart from like C(++) has ever had

It's java but with objectionable oriented programming

You're better off not knowing.

The only Turing complete language that is supported by all browsers. I know, I know, shut up

😆😆😆

Doesn't exist. A conspiracy of coders. www.youtube.com/watch?v=geXY...

It's the instructions for various barista drinks.

When companies choose JavaScript, they’re picking a language that opens the door to one of the largest, most diverse talent pools in the universe. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that a cat can code in js.

Bugging you? But then who’s bugging the app?

Its a very strong coffee. Very similar to Raktajino but not as bitter.

hypertalk but in the browser and weird, should have been a scheme except they java-ified it :(

it’s when you write with coffee grounds

Seemed like a good idea at the time. 🤷‍♂️

no one can describe javascript in a single thread

Wh

A computer language that is unfortunately turing-complete

NaN

a miserable pile of secrets

And hubris, of course.

And does anyone remember ScriptX?

You really don’t want to know

It's a language created by Sun Microsystems that lets you write once, run anywhere

My worst subject in college

When a mommy language and a daddy API love each other, but not like LOVE love each other, they have a lil OOPSI. That's what JavaScript is.