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They literally published "and then everybody clapped"

Liberals are always acting as the audience at a slam poetry reading

To add insult to injury, the next question they asked him was "Which kind of Lobby is your favorite?"

Stephen Glass was more believable.

Particularly since it's the NYT who only pretended to be anything but conservative while Trump was in office.

1) There's no way an HR professional would make a statement like that. 2) Over a dozen new hires are going to be sheepish. 3) Snapping fingers? What is this, beat poetry. The random diner patrons in Salena Vito's pieces are more believable than this drivel.

Incredibly disappointed that one of my favorite Twitter follows was like "of course this happened, The Atlantic knows that other journalists will ask their friends at The Atlantic how they confirmed this, they wouldn't be so stupid to blow themselves up like this. And the NYT didn't deny it!"

Reads like it was ghost-written by Salena Zito.

Gonna have to ask Adam Rubenstein. It's his story and he's sticking to it.

He was the only person at the orientation not wearing a beret and a turtleneck

I regret to inform you that the Jets have gone woke.

Yeah I think the price tag may not have been the thing to harbor some concerns about in terms of possible audience reactions but I guess the author knew everyone would be cool about reclaimed slurs

Thanks. That did it for me. Just canceled my subscription.

I haven’t meant enough people like this in my professional life so I’m confused. This is such an obvious lie that the author must know people would see right through it at a glance. Is the point then to play “Emperor’s new clothes” with The Atlantic, or to virtue signal to conservative media outlets

It's like most of the '70s-'80s era Penthouse letters: "I never believed something like *this* would ever happen to me, but one night..."

The New York Times staff when you say you like the Chik-fil-a spicy sandwich

That HR representative's name? Albert "Joe Disney" Einstein

so, someone in 2019 who is accomplished enough to get a job at the NY Times doesn't know about the political issues with Chik Fil A? Really? I agree with you, I don't believe it.

Then they all started performing Slam Poetry and quoting Jack Kerouac.

Is this person related to Mike Barnicle?

Super Heebster. Huh.

Dear penthouse, you’ll never believe what happened to me at work orientation…

And when it was over a big strong man came up to him, with tears in his eyes, and said "thank you sir, I love Chick-fil-A too!"

It's hilarious that racist nitwit douchebag Tom Cotton is the hill he chose to die on

First of all, NO ONE likes the spicy chicken sandwich from Chick Fil A more than the regular one I think he is conflating his lie with the Popeye's chicken sandwich which was all the rage at the time

Feels like it would be easy to double check, just find out which month he started and then call up other people hired around that time to see who would have gone to same orientation.

A ton of guilt and a quintal of shame make for a great icebreaker.

The name of that pink Starburst? Albert Einstein.

Stephen Glass assed anecdote. This is some Jukt Micronics bullshit

"My opinion was unwelcome just because it had been debunked a thousand times already."

this reads like the copypasta about the professor listing all of the holidays but leaving on christmas

"transgressive in liberal circles," like Chic-Fil-A is a fucking performance artist or a Robert Maplethorpe exhibit.

OF COURSE The Atlantic’s skilled and highly-paid army of meticulous fact-checkers verified this tragic origin story with the dozen accounts clerks and layout artists who were oriented in the same group

"Snapping their fingers" is the giveaway, meant to highlight again a "totalitarian" majority for fascists to oppose. But they are running out of manufactured grievances to balance their stochastic terrorism for the intimidation on which they depend for minority control. bsky.app/profile/jayw...

That does sound like completely made up horseshit and it’s hard to believe that anyone who isn’t on the right wouldn’t know about Chick-fil-A. I learned about them before I ever ate there so I’ve never eaten there. I can’t imagine blurting that out by accident.

NYTEU confirmed

I'm sitting in a dive bar playing pool at 1:30 in the afternoon (don't judge, I'm on vacation) and looking at a $20 burger I think a bunch of writers in NYC could understand his sandwich

He's the only one who sees things clearly... He thinks that the paper that reports on 50 million dollar weddings in the Hsmptons would be frightened by a local sandwich.

And then Marine Todd burst into the room and proclaimed that Chick-fil-A is patriotic and liberal media needs to find God. Everybody clapped, converted to Christianity, and America was great again.

He is this not by David Brooks?

Of all the things that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most

Super Heebster is only $15, not $19. Guy can’t even fact check his own story. 🤦‍♂️

Right up there with any Trump “this big, strong muscle man came up to me with tears in his eyes saying ‘sir, sir, it’s so unfair the way they are treating you…’” story in terms of believability.

It's possible that this writer confused their employee orientation at the Times with an episode of "Off Beat Cinema" they saw the previous night. Did the mention bongo drums later?

When you’re a Jet You’re a Jet all the way From your first cigarette To your last dying day…

I’d like to try this Super Heebster. Sounds like a Dagwood Reuben.

I’ll take “Things that didn’t actually happen” for $500.

Every time you snap your fingers, you kill thousands of spores that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. Just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

This reads like an american fiction type caricature.

Snapping fingers...is he sure he wasn't at an amateur poetry reading by mistake?

It reads like really bad satire

LMAO. "I was trying so hard not to sound classist and I ended up accidentally sounding homophobic."

I thought public masturbation was a crime yet here he is, getting paid to jack off like this and right in front of my breakfast

The combination of "blurt[ing] out" an answer combined with the snapping is perfect. No notes.

Going to go to a Knickerbockers game and snap my fingers, as is tradition in human Man Hattan.

fantastic journalism that pushes all bounds of believability

The HR person leading the beatnik slam poetry was too much

The "everybody clapped" is a well-parodied Reddit thing, right? Was this article offered as a parody piece of a straight piece?

That HR rep moved to Canada. You wouldn’t know them.

"Overhead in a hipster coffee shop"

Least realistic part is where he says he felt shame.

My good sweet lord. Of all the things that didn’t happen, this is the didn’t happenest of all times

Well, if I'm going to stay true to my lefty principles, I'm going to have to "leave him to heaven" (I'm too snooty to attribute elizabethan text), and "his truth". 😂 Also, I don't have to read this sh*te, so thanks for the heads up.

"What's that? You like Chick-Fil-A?"

Is Adam Rubenstein now a gonzo journalist, the conservative version of Hunter S. Thompson?

Holy crap, yeah. I couldn't see the whole article because of the paywall, but that sounded more like an SNL sketch than reality. The snapping fingers...ha ha...no way this happened and The Atlantic is just another content provider to go waaaay downhill.

Suddenly a man burst into the office with a bag of fresh spicy chicken sandwiches. At first everyone was appalled, but when they smelled that heady aroma they couldn't help but dig in. Before anyone could take their second bite, the mysterious chef made them apologize. His name? Albert Einstein.

But even if it HAD happened, it only happened because he decided to lie to seem more sympathetic to his new peers.

The author is the same Adam Rubenstein as this one. He also previously wrote for the Washington Examiner, the National Review and is still listed as an editor for Jewish Insider www.thedailybeast.com/ny-times-ass...

It's a Marine Todd story without the back half, where the author throws the HR staffer out of the room, salutes the flag and everyone gasps in relief

I'm confused why favorite sandwich is an ice breaker. It's such a boring prompt.

That's the only part of the story that's real

This didn't happen so hard it unhappened things that did

"Please pick up a Starburst. Sorry, no, we don't burst stars here. My planet needs me. Bonjour."

When I got a "we don't do that here" from work, it was regarding taking a day off in lieu because I had worked on the weekend.

From HR, at an icebreaker? No, I don't.

Your “Worst Takes of 2024” episode is going to need an entire section just for The Atlantic in February.

We need our sandwich-event-discourse journalists to weigh in.

I love the idea of saying "A Russ and Daughter's Heebster" and INSTANTLY everyone in the room frowning and instead of going "oh, wow, what's in that?" muttering "THE NINETEEN DOLLAR SANDWICH?!" Like, that was the quantum universe he narrowly avoided entering.

lol

underrated worst part of this might be the phrase “answer the pink prompt”

Wait… snapped their fingers in agreement? Really? What was this, a Beatnik revival?

Lol this is just a guy hoping Chick-Fil-A sends him free sandwiches.

Snapping one's fingers in unison is what my college glee club did to applaud when we were backstage and didn't want the audience to hear us. I have *never* heard of this happening to show disapproval.

I can see this being INSPIRED by real events. But honestly, my response wasn't "which specific restaurant or fast food sandwich is my favorite; it was "ham."

Lol FIRE

I’m more upset by the current state of The Atlantic. This is a rag that needs resurrecting.

And then the bus driver clapped

This reads like every conservative/religious woo is me fake sob story.

The intro is bad, but continues to say bad the entire way through! Like a baseball player that went 0 for 5, like he has to get better, the stats say it's likely but no went 0-20 then pooped his pants

Everybody knows if you to be accepted at the NYT, you have to pick a Turkey Sandwich from a diner in western Pennsylvania.

These people are so fragile. I guess it makes sense that there needs to be a wingnut welfare trough and MSM jobs program for conservative writers. Otherwise their ideas would be graded more fairly and their delicate psyches can’t handle that kind of brutal criticism, apparently.

Prosciutto di cavallo

The New York Times is staffed primarily by Beatniks from 1956?

People have become so strange and overthink reactions and they pretzel themselves into a stupid position. Just fricken be you. The fancy sandwhich person. Who cares! That's the whole point, you can be how you want. Also Iike both of those sandwiches!

bsky.app/profile/swor...

Who knew Maynard G. Krebs became an HR consultant?

did not realize the NYT had hired Marine Todd as a columnist!

THEY ALL STARTED SNAPPING. THEN, THEY STARTED SINGING ABOUT IT.

OK, I'll go against the grain: I think the Chik-fil-A shaming did happen. The finger snapping seems unlikely, though. I base this, in part, b/c Chik-fil-A is a relatively recent entry to MI, and whenever one opens, there have been some vocal objections. It's believable an HR rep would share that.

completely misrepresenting what chickfilla does against gays really helps his case lol

(Starts snapping)

“The HR representative chided me. Everyone else began to ululate, their voices rising into a piercing wail that shattered the window. Gail Collins rappelled into the room and slapped my face.”

I was offered a marihuana cigarette, but refused. Wrong move! They were on to me.

He could have just said the name of a sandwich he liked. For example, I love a good club sandwich, and Reubens, and paninis from Bar Veloce in the East Village. But nah. He has to lie: “I like the HomoSux Chicken from a fast food Extrusion Factory, why?”

"And that is when it dawned on me, I had been served."

Should have added that they called him "sir" and had tears in their eyes.

I was applying to write for Disney back in the 80s, and was asked during an interview who my favorite Disney character was. I thought about saying "Mickey Mouse" because it felt like the standard, go-to response, but I wanted to be unique and memorable, so foolishly I blurted out, "Uncle Remus!" 🤪

The spicy chicken sandwich came out in 2010, which still absolutely was in the time where Chick-fil-A was doing a lot more anti gay things than just “beliefs of the ceo”.