Post

“Everyone’s 12” theory undefeated

Contra Piker et al, ACAB does NOT include Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

All the very best heist movies (Asphalt Jungle is the best example) go wrong at the end due to the various character failings of the protagonists. So maybe yes for your point and maybe no. PS: The ending of the original Rat Pack Ocean's 11 speaks to my point.

He went to jail! I saw him come out!

Yes and that trio had a point about the dullness of cryptocurrency crimes in particular- ballads don’t get written about cybercrime lol Movies have ALWAYS wrestled with how to make that work dramatically on camera

Yes! Although in some cases I think an association with violence against a disliked symbol or tool of power adds to the allure. Smugglers strike back against the revenue men etc

I worked at the Met and at MOMA so I take a very dim view personally of museum heists let me be clear!

Sammy made it so cool youtu.be/rXEMhm-3kPU?...

it's also an opinion piece, and I'm ngl I haven't taken the NYT seriously in a minute

The Kit Kat heist was cool. But that is the exception.

Some real life heists are also pretty cool. Some great heist docs out there actually. Particularly about art heists and diamond heists.

Are you talking about the magical Trolley to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe?

What's funny about this is that children intuitively understand how to do this. Then people grow up, AND THEY FORGET HOW TO DO IT.

He got stoned and fell asleep at his girlfriend’s apt (relatable)

Everyone thief in Heat dies. Heist discourse as left praxis is quickly claiming a spot as the dumbest discourse ever.

Specific chip on my shoulder because a team of bored college kids stole rare books from my university, tasing an elderly librarian in the process. They made a movie about it and it was anything but sexy lmao

Of course, Indiana Jones destroyed around three UNESCO World Heritage Sites per movie so he might not be the best role model for ethical stewardship of historic objects either.

Leftist podcasters are considered organized crime in some circles in this country.

Tbf it’s a significant online ideological position that rich assholes are the proper owners of everything in any case.

Why not instead working officially and legally as a museum to museum artifact recovery agreements by day, and heisting on rich people's secret private collections by night?

(I am also a museum enthusiast, but I could get behind that particular fictional approach)

Also let's not discount the very real chance the art in question is damaged or destroyed making the act of theft a pointless damaging act which benefits nobody

I have had the experience of watching a heist movie with someone who concluded, "But what was the POINT? What's the good in owning real art if you can't have a little "on loan from the collection of..." plaque hanging next to it at a museum?"

The painting "Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue" was damaged twice, by the same person, with a knive. The first restorer got a huge amount of money to restore it. But when the artwork had to be restored the 2nd time they found out that cheap house paint was used to restore it the first time.

Nyamakop, a South African studio, made a video game in which you play a young African woman reclaiming artifacts stolen by colonizers and returning them. That sounds like fun to me! www.cbc.ca/news/enterta...

time for a clever twist

He puts them back though

To be fair he does give the art back; mostly what he does is annoy the cops, which I feel like has some margin in this day and age

Ugh yeahhhhhh

Again. Again.

Petition to make this season 3 of Your Friends and Neighbors

You should check out the TV show Leverage, then!

This is National Treasure except Nic Cage was so good he didn’t give the rich guy a chance to get it in his special collection.

there is that video game @jacky.wtf was talking about the other day where you steal african artifacts from museums and repatriate them store.steampowered.com/app/3255890/...

Perfect! Or a Matthew Bomer reboot where he steals back individual stolen works of arts from hidden illicit collections and then breaks into the museum they were stolen from and rehangs them in their old position I really think we all deserve this!

Indiana Jones and the Ugly-Ass Balloon Dog

A lot of it is piled in the back rooms of the mansions of Mideast oil billionaires. They wouldn't miss a thing.

“Stealing? I’m returning it to the patrimony of all mankind!”

Then the movie could shift to a courtroom drama in which the thieves and university join forces to block the rich guy from getting the work back

Same (though sadly it pretty much never works this way in real life)

DON LaFONTAINE: In a world where billionaires are hoarding art, museums demand justice. In a world where priceless works are kept under lock and key, one group dares to strike back for the people. No one knows who they are. No one knows where they come from. All the police have is a name: The Met.

There's at least one guy who will happily write the script that I know of. If he hasn't already done so for #Leverage...

This is why Leverage is the ultimate comfort watch. Serious mac & cheese tv IMO.

Indiana Jones getting the Cross of Coronado back from the Sydney Greenstreet guy in the third movie

two-stage heist movie Part I: colonial appropriation c.1960 (the ugly heist) [decades pass] Part II: grad student figures out provenance of item in friend's dad's mansion c.2010 and tricks friend's dad into Nathan Jessup-style "yes I stole it!" confession into recording device

Are you familiar with the TV show Leverage?

IT BELONGS IN A (land-grant university) MUSUEM! AND IT SHOULD BE FREE TO THE PUBLIC ON THURSDAYS!!!

There is a heist computer game where the premise is that you’re stealing back (and returning) indigenous relics and works of art.

"IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!"

Idk, I don't think Hasan likely has anything worth displaying in his house

I wonder if we could get Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo on this as a cheeky sequel to Thomas Crown Affair

What if they just steal the same stolen artwork over and over, keep selling it to new rich guys, and donate the proceeds to the museum it was originally stolen from?

You can penetrate any rich guy's security by convincing him there is a flaw that needs fixing. They hire mercenaries to consult. You can hire one of your own...

This was almost the plot of Black Panther

It helps of you remind yourself that all art is political and flreframe your understanding of art to be "propaganda" for a certain worldview, then take a look around and try to see the narrative being pushed by mainstream art (like US pro-militarism or meritocracy).

It belongs in a museum!

This is a good book. Very readable, not the fictional version of how it goes. Don’t want to give away more of the story to anyone who hasn’t read it but would argue that it is for leaving the art where the public can appreciate it. bookshop.org/p/books/the-...

also i might look for an interview with Daniel Silva because the last few have steered *hard* away from the mossad angle. interesting set of fiction, worth blowing a weekend on if folks have the time

If you can afford to hire a crack team of art thieves to steal a famous painting so you can put it on private display somewhere only you and your rich asshole friends can see it, then you can hire a talented craftsperson to make a near-perfect replica of said painting and leave the original alone.

Most stolen art doesn't end up in secret rich people galleries either. It's more often used as collateral for organized crime and either gets ransomed back within a year or two or can't really be moved and is only found decades later or never.

Sometimes stories have good endings though. apnews.com/article/roma...

And when they involve the Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve

The paradox of D.B. Cooper is that that one would probably be way less cool if we ever found out the end of the story

Also like shopliftimg is not a heist

everyone always talking about heists, never about heisms or sheisms...

Theyking and Entering

sheists

Sounds like an extra soupy shart.

Ah yes, Heists are the practitioners of Heism

They are also very violent more often than not. Like not with propriety but physically violent. There’s no way to safely knock someone out that doesn’t result in medical damage.

Honestly love Inception as the strangest sort of heist movie

It pisses me of to no end that MBS has de Vinci's Salvator Mundi on a FUCKING YACHT.

Dead Presidents handles this pretty well IMO. There’s like 5 minutes where you think maybe it’ll be a sexy heist and then uh, it definitely isn’t

i'm never gonna get over not being able to see Christ on the Sea of Galilee

Like in Persona 5 Joker continuing to be a Phantom Thief by taking the deal at the endgame is positioned as a bad thing. The good ending sees the PTs resolve to change society in more mundane ways than channeling Arsène Lupin.

It was a highly enjoyable farce involving a cavalcade of total dipshits on all sides but idk about *cool*

The detective kid was an especially nice touch

.... Ah fuck, you got me there

we're not beating the "everyone is twelve" allegations

What? The movies need to be emphasized as not real to life. Fantastical. Entertaining or not entertaining. Not educative.

and rob some banks, yes, I agree

Heists in movies: cool and stylish Heists in real life: Burn After Reading closet scene

What people like is Rube Goldberg machines What is real is stuff like 'someone left a utility ladder up so me and the lads hopped in on the second floor and knicked stuff after hours'

It's even funnier if you consider that the latest Louvre heist was kinda pathetic in hindsight: a bunch of randos exploiting a security issue caused by a chronic lack of funds, to steal ugly jewels, half of which were found in a gutter a few days later. Then getting caught at the airport.

Hasan Piker is no Steve McQueen or Pierce Brosnan. in fact...nepo baby Hasan has more in common with Kevin Sorbo.

I’ve often wished that I could commit a burglary, but don’t want to actually steal anything from anyone or get arrested and go to jail. Maybe a new evolution of the escape room idea… a place that allows you to plan and execute an elaborate heist and see if you can do it without getting caught.

movies aren’t real

Banacek is the hero not the villain.

I wrote a heist novel! But it involved finding a particular real-life artwork held by a selfish billionaire and stealing it back. MC is driven by teenage spite. (Didn't find an agent, but I hope to dust off the manuscript and try again someday. Modern retelling of Treasure Island, in Newport)

Fantasies about heists both acknowledge and exploit the threat of the priviledged and the violence of inequality we confront in our desperate age. A lazy daydream built on cowardice. We need to learn other work. Larceny. Extortion. Piracy. Informed and executed In Solidarity. Run Em. 👉🤛

He’s just not very bright

Yeah, like I’m sorry but liking a very popular genre of fiction doesn’t mean you think it’s real? Genuinely not sure what the issue even is here, aside from people already not liking Hasan and needing something lower-stakes to complain about amidst all the chaos I guess?