Post

Peg Kerr
@pegkerr.bsky.social

We used and modeled the “Please stop” rule and enforced it. And it applied not only between sibs but to parents, too. If we were tickling a daughter and she said “Please stop” we would immediately stop & say “oh, you said stop so I have to stop.” In college they realized: we were teaching consent.

Xeri
@welldwellingwoman.bsky.social

Sometimes kids look at porn and that's really not the terrible catastrophy everyone makes it out to be. Trying too hard to control what they see only leads to repression and resentment

Peter Butler
@peter-butler.bsky.social

I agree IF the parents have good intent and aren't causing heavy trauma one way or another There's a lot of research showing that relationship with family of origin is the biggest determinant of happiness in adulthood But the little things don't matter much if the relationship is good

Gabrielle
@gabbklein.myatproto.social

Yeah, I didn't phrase the post well. (And it's merely an opinion.) I meant specifically the *decisions* we make as parents. Because the relationship you have with your kid is something you can influence, but not control. You can imagine person A and B who have good family relationships and are

Gabrielle
@gabbklein.myatproto.social

generally happy adults because Person A's parents did a really good job building the relationship and Person B has strong innate characteristics that help them form good relationships and the family environment didn't hinder that. Same in the reverse -- Person C's parents screwed up, but Person D

Pike
@pikevenomtales.bsky.social

Many parents repeated decisions to force "peace" when family abuses their kids is definitely their fault and absolutely within their control, they don't have to choose to subject their kids to their awful family

Peter Butler
@peter-butler.bsky.social

i agree that much of what happens to children and affects their development is out of parents’ control you can do everything “right” and everything can still go wrong

DemoBLACK CAT
@beckya.bsky.social

What the research shows is that very good parenting and very bad parenting both have impacts, and most parenting has relatively little. IOW as long as you’re not abusing or neglecting them they’ll probably be fine, and if they aren’t there were probably other reasons for that.

Gabrielle
@gabbklein.myatproto.social

I'm sorry, I don't understand your question (or rather I can think of several different answers, and I'm not sure which you were looking for). But I expanded my thoughts here. Does that answer what you were asking?

Gabrielle@gabbklein.myatproto.social

Yeah, I didn't phrase the post well. (And it's merely an opinion.) I meant specifically the *decisions* we make as parents. Because the relationship you have with your kid is something you can influence, but not control. You can imagine person A and B who have good family relationships and are

Asteria the Hag
@asteriathehag.bsky.social

Yeah I guess you answered my q by saying it was just an opinion. There are a lot of posts people saying things like, "well-meaning parents actually can't mess up their kids" and I'm here wondering if they have any reason to believe that. Cuz like... Millennials.

professor of fallout 3 haterology
@connfirmedbachelor.bsky.social

it was bad enough when i was growing up with all the viral gore/snuff shit and weird porn you'd inevitably stumble upon and now you have to worry about algorithms dragging you down pipelines that'll have you shooting up churches and daycares for the white race or some shit. fuck that

I'mTheProblemIt'sMe
@spin4srv.bsky.social

As much as children want to be loved they also want (and need) their parents to be _interested_ in them. And you should be. This is a person you are helping to create but they are their own person and you will find neverending fascination if you just choose to look.

Carrie Sloane
@carriesloane.bsky.social

Yes! This!! I am a game developer and my parents have never played a game in their lives but are so curious about it. My mom essentially asked me about live service games the other day (“so are some games like, always on?”) and was eager to hear the answer

Candice (with an I)
@chaoticgirlie.bsky.social

The older I get, the more I realize that this is the difference between my mom and dad. My dad might not have always understood why I liked a thing but he'd let me talk about it and nod along. My mom would go, "I don't understand and I think that's foolish," and that was that.

JessicaWessica
@jessicatzonteti.bsky.social

I always told my son “You’re right, I don’t care about the game you’re playing, but I care that it matters to you, so of course I want you to tell me about it.” He tells me all sorts of things about his life now and I don’t regret any of the things I learned about Monster Hunter.

Interspacing
@interspacing.bsky.social

Let your kids go outside and play with their friends unsupervised in the woods for a bit. Obviously give them safety tools/instruction, but they learn so much just figuring shit out for themselves without an adult hovering nearby.

A Shiny Blue Thing Collected By A Bird
@shinybluething.bsky.social

I wish this hadn't been legislated away in so many places. It was a wonderful part of my childhood that my kids didn't get because these days people will call CPS on you for standing too far away while watching them at the playground. Some places have laws disallowing kids being alone under *16*.

Interspacing
@interspacing.bsky.social

Yes!! Or walk down to the corner store or the library. Give them some freedom. Let them learn how to navigate, learn, and argue with each other without a parent moderating. On that note, when I'm out, all kids are "my" kids; ie I keep an eye out for them. I assume a lot of adults do the same.

Feral Horseshoe Crab
@feralhorseshoecrab.bsky.social

On the flip side pretty much everything you need to know about parenting a healthy infant you can learn from the pamphlet they give you at the hospital and watching your pets have puppies/kittens. It's NOT COMPLICATED. (But throw in medical or mental health issues and it can go from 0 to 1000 fast).

DemoBLACK CAT
@beckya.bsky.social

Teach your kids emotional regulation skills. There’s lots of resources out there (John Gottman’s books are very good.). Everything that happens in life that you have any control over is downstream of emotion regulation: relationships, school/work, staying out of trouble, etc.

Intellectual Treehouse of Horror
@scottyramone.bsky.social

We let my son start swearing at home at around 12. Okay, 10. No f-bombs. Slurs of any sort were not only forbidden but punishable. Home with no visitors was the only place and time he could swear. Now the shock value not only of swearing but other “adult” things (drinking, drugs) is nil.

Helmeet El Gato
@helmeetelgato.bsky.social

Fr, there was an age, around 12 or 13 where I found the thrill of swearing and it lasted maybe a year, then grew bored of it. Nowadays I find more charm in using "child swearing" words, gosh darn it to heck =)

Glendos Fen
@glennmuir.bsky.social

Just because you're the kid's parents, doesn't automatically make you the expert on them. (I couldn't think of anything more specific, but yet I think this is like one of those core truths that really gets under a lot of parents' skins.)

The Great PumpKen 🎃
@pizzahimbo.bsky.social

Bombs away

The Great PumpKen 🎃@pizzahimbo.bsky.social

Masculinity is not inherently toxic, but compulsory masculine socialization and toxic masculinity are so intertwined that they are, for all practical purposes, inextricable from one another. Therefore, children should be raised as nonbinary and allowed to come to their own gender in their own time.

Ian Coldwater 🧊🚫
@lookitup.baby

If you have a kid in this day and age and you’re trying to shield them from the world rather than teaching them how to navigate it, I’m sorry but you’re neglecting your duties

Jeska Dzwigalski
@jeska.bsky.social

Yes! And also I’m a big fan of preserving childhood and not rushing kids to the next next next phase as quickly as humanly possible. Let them be age appropriate! Let them Be kids!

R D Thorsett
@rdthorsett.bsky.social

After about age three you can still prevent them from doing things, but there's not much you can make them do. It's humbling... (My daughter learned the sit-down strike very young...)

Val Monahan
@valymonahan.bsky.social

Yes, have regrets about how I handled our Kiddo's school stuff. They did GREAT, but in the end, were SO burnt out, academically, because of how it was hard (and easy) for them and how we reacted badly to the stuff they (actually) could NOT do, at school. We continue to apologize. They are 25.

Exxlava
@elxlava.bsky.social

Yay I love spreading misinformation and convincing people to self diagnose mental illness yippee now like my comment my neurospicy friends1! 1!1!1!!?!! 1!1!1!1!1!!! 1!1!1!:333!1!1!1!!

Jane
@dangerjane.bsky.social

My mom Yelled a lot. I didn't pay much attention to her, but my sister was crushed by it. I had to go to therapy to learn a different technique

Rahula
@rahulaj.bsky.social

Patriarchal society wants you to be your kids’ first bully - Dont do it!! Love your kids unconditionally and make sure they know you do.

Kevin Klein
@kevinkleinpdx.bsky.social

don’t ever get involved in the school in a supportive or procedural sense. overnight school trip requires you to attend an orientation to understand what the pre-teens will be doing during the choir trip to Disneyland? no it doesn’t.

Alex Wykoff
@distributed.camp

i don't recommend this for swimming specifically, but it's perfectly fine to otherwise throw your kid into the metaphorical deep end and see how well they do before you offer help. they will often surprise you if you don't start with a framing of 'this is hard'.

Sarah
@alatteliterature.bsky.social

Your child is not an extension of you. They are their own person with their own thoughts, feelings, and interests. Your job isn't to create a miniature version of you, but to help guide them into being THEIR best self. Too many try to mold replicas of themselves.

Still Waters Osteopathic Medical Clinic
@getfitnbelean.bsky.social

Them loving you is the default setting. It'll buy you more leeway than you might imagine. Putting a quality human(s) out into the world isn't just the most important thing you're ever likely to do, it might be the only important thing any of us ever do. Love'em, hug 'em,, teach 'em. You'll be fine.

Ellen Crain
@lnc.bsky.social

Absolutely. And if you have "picky" kids, don't believe the people who tell you they won't starve themselves. Always help them access a safe food while making new things available.

Anna Richland
@annarichland.bsky.social

Ride public transit with your kids whenever you can, and have fun looking out the windows with them. And then let them do it alone by sixth grade. Your own life will be immeasurably better if your 13 and 14 yr old can get places alone, and if you don't have to buy another car when they can drive.

Ari Ofsevit
@ofsevit.bsky.social

But moreso … the data they scare you with is lousy. Basically any time an infant dies sleeping with an adult, it's called "bedsharing." A lot of this occurs with known risk factors (drugs, alcohol, tobacco; preemie, low-birthweight, etc).

Ari Ofsevit
@ofsevit.bsky.social

But even when it doesn't, often it's people who were awake with their kid in an unsafe position (chair, couch, etc) and then fell asleep. Those deaths are counted the same as people who were breastfeeding at night with appropriate precautions. They all get lumped together.

Ari Ofsevit
@ofsevit.bsky.social

And guess what parents are falling asleep in chairs? Ones who get terrible sleep. Which is often because their kid is in a different room and much more interrupting to their sleep. So not bedsharing increases the number of deaths reported as "bedsharing." From the linked NIH paper:

Hattie
@hattie17.bsky.social

Young kids’ feelings are valid, even when they seem irrational to you. From the toddler years and onward, validate their feelings, help label and understand them, and you will have built a strong foundation of trust and will reap the rewards in the teen years and beyond.

Dirck de Lint
@dirck.bsky.social

I learned a lot about being a father from my father, but some of it was by negative example. "Hoo... I know how Dad would have reacted to this and I am *not* doing that to The Boy." Not abuse. Just... counterproductive emotional responses.

Kate Tuttle
@katekilla.bsky.social

People are born with a lot of their personality already loaded. The best thing you can do as a parent is guide, affirm, and love the child you have. Attempts to change them are nearly always a huge mistake.

DD FlubDub 🇨🇦
@perfectparanoia.bsky.social

This is especially true for people with babies. They are all different. While there are different methods that help with some or most babies, there is nothing universal. Everyone is awesomely weird in their own way.

Alexandra Samios
@xanboni.bsky.social

lol was thinking about this bc my kids are convinced their superior parenting skills* are why the g'son is an easy kid but in fact they just lucked into an easy kid. (*their parenting skills /are/ superior and it's going to help when they get the one who is determined to go its own way)

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

You should be honest with your child that the reason they're not allowed to swear is that if they do they'll make you look bad and that that's prohibitive in society. There's no objective reason for a child not to swear, it's just bullshit social pressure and you should own up to its bullshitness.

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

Obviously, you distinguish between swear words and slurs, and you teach them to not to speak abusively to people, but swearing in and of itself is only a problem for fake reasons and you should admit that to them.

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

(And if you're the kind of person who *does* think there's an objective problem with swearing in and of itself, well, you need to grow the fuck up about that before you're ready to be a parent.)

RadiantHostility (he/him)
@radianthostility.bsky.social

word. kids know when we're lying, they can tell the vibes are off when we're making them follow bullshit rules that don't make sense, and that shit is oppressive for them. If you *have* to subject them to social norms you can at the least be honest with them about it.

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

This is less of a hot take and more of a desperate plea: *please* do not allow your child to grow up on touchscreens. At all costs, make the first device they get used to a PC; invest in a laptop or something for them; get them a brickphone if they really must have a phone in this period.

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

Kids brought up on touchscreens are not "digital" natives, they're *touchscreen* natives, and when in high/secondary school they encounter PCs for the first time, they shatter into a million pieces and frequently have actual literal sobbing meltdowns.

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

Touchscreens are facile and moronic and crap, and they wire kids' heads in a way that seemingly cannot be changed. They don't do explorations of how PCs work in the way that millennials and early Gen Z like me did, because they come with preconceived notions that PCs should work like touchscreens.

Izzy
@isajk.bsky.social

They struggle with the most basic things: using a keyboard, pressing the power button, putting their password in, typing on keyboards, comprehending the difference between left-click and right-click, saving files and to to a specific place on their machine, giving their files meaningful names etc.

Luke Horn
@lukebro92.bsky.social

Kids are their own people. Like even at an incredibly young age, they might not ever care for the things you care for and go nuts for things you don't find particularly interesting. And that's okay.

Dave Ferguson
@daveferguson.bsky.social

1. No allowances for doing chores. Chores are what you do because you're part of the family. 2. Allowances are a tool to let kids learn how to handle (and blow) money. My kids were even able to get an advance, under the right circumstances, from the Bank of DD.

🔞bird_likes_seeds
@birdlikesseeds.bsky.social

My home always had laundry service paid for. Even though I knew how to do my own laundry it was pretty neat to have someone do it instead. However, I wish I was taught how to cook for myself at that time, either mom or grandma did it...I still don't know how to prepare my own traditional food.

Mike Winter
@mikewinter.bsky.social

I had a very anxious child who needed help getting to sleep till he was around nineish. He's a strong, independent teenager now. Your child will let you know when they need the space. Don't let the furberizers ruin it for you and your child.

That Old Broadbean
@thatoldbear.bsky.social

Eventually they'll quit it, but you can try stuff like "you're getting big buddy, and big kids get to choose cool nightlights/ fancy toy storage/ room colour scheme in their own bedroom" :) it mightn't happen right away but it'll happen :)

Kami Bee
@kami.land

My first needed a bed and bedding he actually liked to even consider it, after that it took a couple years to fully get there but enforcing bedtime in his own bed but reassuring him he could come find us in the night if necessary did it. Plus blocking up our bed with a new co-sleeping child. 🤣

Marioncita
@marioncita.bsky.social

Genuine question, no judging, to the parents here that co-slept during years with their kids : how do you figure out couple intimacy ? Not only sex but night time cuddles with your partner, pillow talk, etc. Did co-sleeping reconfigure your relationship ?

himham
@himham.bsky.social

You shouldn't demand that your children conform to your exactly ideology, but you SHOULD attempt to teach them the basics of morality and encourage them to challenge simplistic and myopic worldviews by asking questions. While you do so, you will also be learning and expanding *your own* worldview.

Frankie Huang 黄碧赤@ourobororoboruo.bsky.social

I’m so sick of former bird app takes, I want to hear everyone’s parenting hot takes

himham
@himham.bsky.social

You should want your children to gradually improve at things but this idea that you shouldn't "coddle" them by being nice and safe and patient is absolutely stupid. You start out as essentially their entire social circle and you need to give them grace as they gradually become people.

Frankie Huang 黄碧赤@ourobororoboruo.bsky.social

I’m so sick of former bird app takes, I want to hear everyone’s parenting hot takes

👻🎃 The Raccoon Overlord
@raccoon-overlord.bsky.social

I would give anything to have had a safe & patient parent. I would have probably tried harder as an adult if I didn't freak out every time there was a chance I would fail. If I was not good at something as a kid, I was a failure and shouldn't try. That is locked into my head even now in my 40s.

Mer
@waketosleep.bsky.social

God, everyone does better picking up new skills in a safe space. Adults like can’t do it at ALL unless they’re in a safe space. It’s just such a basic feature of our species

Tze Ming Mok 莫志明
@tzemingdynasty.bsky.social

Diaspora middle class minorities: You gotta make sure primary school is genuinely multiethnic and not elite so they don’t catch internalized racism and white supremacy, but a brief period after that of being bullied by rich white kids ensures that they understand society and who the enemy is.

A. Parise
@jerseyoutwest.bsky.social

100%. My kid is white passing despite being 1/4 Guyanese and fortunately we live in a diverse (i mean, at least by Portland standards) neighborhood so she’ll have plenty of peers who are not white.

Sheeri Cabral 🍉
@sheeri.org

“Rich white kids” are the largest racial component of this country? You’re taking this personally which means you’re part of the problem.

Kavitha Rajagopalan
@kxraja.bsky.social

I have many wonderful white friends; supremacy not ppl is the enemy. My biracial Black and Indian daughter was placed in a gifted class in an 80% Black public school. She was the only brown kid. She internalized a lot of racism and became suicidal at 11. The enemy was not her peers.

The Story Alchemist
@thestoryalchemist.bsky.social

Don't parentify your oldest daughter or pressure her to have kids. She grew up way too fast and was sick of looking after kids long before puberty hit. A lot of grown women do not want kids because they were forced to do the mom thing as children and are well aware of how exhausting parenting is.

Emily
@librarymet.bsky.social

Oldest of five here. When I was in my early 20s,I remember having the discussion with my boyfriend abt maybe not wanting kids. (My youngest sister was only like 11 at the time.) I did eventually want and have kids (just 2), but I was DONE in my 20s.

The Story Alchemist
@thestoryalchemist.bsky.social

At 10, I didn't *want* kids. In my 20's, I assumed birth control would fail. It didn't. By 30, I no longer had patience or energy for small children. Now in my 40's, I'm genuinely glad to be childfree, and have no interest in dating anymore. I'm not mothering any man's badly raised son either.🤷‍♀️

Grace Holdinghaus
@graceholdinghaus.bsky.social

With the millions of products to help "fidgety" kids, and the prevailing opinion "Oh, all kids are a little ADHD" Have you considered. That is a damning criticism of the world we are forcing them to live in. Which we could fix instead.

eoforwic.bsky.social
@eoforwic.bsky.social

Listen to them and talk to them. You don't always need to agree, in all honesty you shouldn't, but show them that they are a person to you not just an extension of yourself or a thing that is taken for granted.

Paula
@paulapaulpaula.bsky.social

Remember that your anxiety about your kids safety is normal, and that it is ok to not act on it all the time. Normalize not knowing where your 13 year old is at every second.

Stella Jorette
@stellajorette.bsky.social

The years between birth and 3 are crucial, during which a strong, healthy, consistent bond between primary caregiver and child can prevent the development of an aberrant sense of self. Sickness, drama, and separations can interrupt the bond. Plan accordingly to the extent possible.

DD FlubDub 🇨🇦
@perfectparanoia.bsky.social

Don’t lie to your kids (I made an exception about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny). Tell them the (age-appropriate) truth. I have never lied to my kids. It’s freaking hard sometimes but they know when I say something, it’s true.

RadiantHostility (he/him)
@radianthostility.bsky.social

When my dad tried to put a roof on by himself we unionized and told him he really fucking was gonna do it himself because we weren't going to hold the ladder, pass him nails, or otherwise help him do something so dangerous and stupid. We held until he agreed to hire roofers.

Sascha_Vykos2
@saschavykos.bsky.social

Your children will not die if you leave them in a hot car with the windows cracked while you run into the store for 6 minutes. They will hate you for other reasons and might think men named "Jello Biafra" know everything. But they will not die.

Andy Smith
@doitinprivate.bsky.social

You have to set boundaries, and your kids have to break them, to prove your unconditional love. That’s why kids whose parents don’t set boundaries are so miserable and mean. They don’t believe they have unconditional love. Teens need boundaries to leave the nest so they know they can come back.

David
@razed.bsky.social

Provide your kids with a language rich environment. Read to them, talk to them, explain things to them. And if you have any concerns about their speech or language try to get them help.

Altaira Morbius
@altairamorbius.bsky.social

I would add: people should ALL have some childcare experience of some variety (regular babysitting? Teaching a class?) along with the therapy. It’s WILD how much comes up when you see a kid going through stuff that you went through.

McDyer
@mcdyer.bsky.social

You're dealing with a human being who feels their lack of agency keenly. Provide some. Give a gift card to a 12 year old. It is the opposite of meaningless.

Carrie Sloane
@carriesloane.bsky.social

One example of this that my parents did - when I was around 12 or so, they gave me a set budget for back-to-school shopping that I could distribute however I liked. Def made some “bad” decisions but that was all part of the agency!

JS
@jwhat1.bsky.social

Youth sports is the least important part of their development. Any negativity from a parent to a child over sports is dumb.

Altaira Morbius
@altairamorbius.bsky.social

Oh man THIS. I talk to my daughter all the time about how the main thing I’m proud of is that she showed up and got her workout in, because that’s the hard part even for adults. Winning is just gravy, to make things more interesting while you’re doing the workout.

eehoo.bsky.social
@eehoo.bsky.social

As a parent who has been a volunteer coach many times, I agree. As long as they’re getting exercise and being social… job done. My best coaching advice for kids sports is to say as little as possible and give them all ways team up against you.

JS
@jwhat1.bsky.social

My kids are grown now and I look back at the times I got upset at them about sports, luckily just a few times, and wonder what was I thinking?

eehoo.bsky.social
@eehoo.bsky.social

No one is immune to that. Sometimes kids show up physically but aren’t present mentally. You want them to understand that they’re trying to achieve a goal as a team. There is teaching that happens, but it’s not about winning or standing out. You have to learn that early.

Helmeet El Gato
@helmeetelgato.bsky.social

I pretended that my "real toys" were videogames since I couldn't afford videogames. I call bull on this one. Imagination works the same or even better, and there is not an "ideal way of playing"

guz1980.bsky.social
@guz1980.bsky.social

A crazy thing happened one day on the way to the bus with my kids and I let out an “what the fuck” and got the obligatory “ooohhhh”. I told them they’ll talk like this one day too but better not at school or they’ll get in trouble.

Amanda K.📔🏳‍🌈🐊 🇺🇦
@fishinyourear.bsky.social

Not a parent (yet), but a children's librarian who works with a very wide variety of parents. Hot takes: *kids are people. Treat them like it. *as long as your kid is fed, vaccinated, and sort of dressed for the weather, you're doing fine. *ask for help. We're not meant to do this alone. <3

Bisho
@angbisho.bsky.social

I raised my child to be the bad influence on other kids and it absolutely rocked. Our house was the place our kids friends could come to yell fuck in their bedroom. I was constantly amazed by what parents don't let their kids do.

Ol Monk
@olmonk.bsky.social

You're going to get it wrong. You're not going to realise you're getting it wrong. Do the best you can and hope you get lucky. This probably applies wider than parenting if I'm honest.

No Shelf Control
@litink.bsky.social

You’re going to miss “young them” when they grow up. You’ll love the new adult relationship you get to have, because it’s honestly great! but you will always miss young them.

Gregor Samosa
@lenschiff.bsky.social

Honestly, I'm being very precise. I'm far more likely to fuck up out of fear of my imaginary folks' judgment than that of some schmendrick at the PTA or on BlueSky. Imaginary parents are usually far more rigid and judgy than our actual ones, but they're the ones we're wired to please.

Bob HY
@bahhab71.bsky.social

If you lost a little weight since last summer so your old shorts are a little loose and completely fall off while carrying your sleeping 2.5 yo from the car to the house, just keep walking.

JJ DeBenedictis
@jjdebenedictis.bsky.social

My mom remembers the days before stretchy fabrics, when underwear was only held up by elastic bands at the waist. That was the advice they lived by if the elastic snapped while wearing a skirt. Just keep walking.

Aysha Prather
@alprather.bsky.social

Double check what the question is before you give an answer. "Where did the baby come from?" might actually be who is that baby's mama, rather than the details of human sexual reproduction and development. They'll get to that question eventually, but you might get multiple rehearsals first.

David Berg 🗳️
@ibdb.bsky.social

The value of most parenting guides, and particularly those for babies and toddlers, is extremely limited. Babies can't read. Expecting them to behave exactly as a guide suggests is a path to disappointment and frustration.

Mike Winter
@mikewinter.bsky.social

No one. No book. No parenting theory knows your kid as well as you do. Trust your instincts. Having one child or one dog seems to imbue people with unshakeable confidence they know best how to care for all children and dogs.

Di Cleverly
@dicleverly.bsky.social

My hot parenting take is that your number one job is to keep your child safe, warm, and fed. Sounds easy? Good for you. There may be times when it's not, and it's the best you can do for them.

Tim Yocum
@tky.io

New parents: you don’t need 90% of the shit being sold to you. Wipes warmers, bottle sanitizers, formula dispensing machines, innumerable tchotchkes — all generate more upkeep labor. Also put a hair tie around the wipes package. Trust.

Mickeyfoon
@mickeyfoon.bsky.social

"Not a choice" is a useful phrase. It teaches kids that in life there are unpleasant things you just have to get through for very good reasons *and* they can survive the discomfort. Vaccines, dental visits, behaving in a public place...explain why it isn't a choice, but they still gotta do it.

Mickeyfoon
@mickeyfoon.bsky.social

My kids are 21 & 23 & have public facing jobs & they both are appalled by the stuff parents let their kids do/don't do. They think it's a disservice to the kids who are not learning how to control themselves and not learning how to toughen up a little bit.

Mattie Kaiser
@mattiekaiser.bsky.social

Since mine was about 3 I've said the line "this is not a negotiation" to anything that is not a choice. It's been so important for her to learn where there's wiggle room to make her case, and where there's a non-negotiable hard line.

Brian Morans
@whpshw.bsky.social

If your kid isn’t independently reading by 5 or 6 (before kindergarten), that’s fine so long as you are reading to them regularly and building a love of reading organically. Modeling a love of reading also helps (and improves your own cognition too).

Tom Coates
@tomcoates.bsky.social

1) kids won’t thank you for teaching them the world is unfair 2) kids can tell the difference between when you’re punishing them because they did something wrong and when you’re doing it because you’re frustrated or angry

Val Monahan
@valymonahan.bsky.social

Yes, and, many parent's will, in the end, punish their kids when they are frustrated or angry. If you (the parent) realize you are doing it, talk to your kid about it. Apologize. It's hard to NOT do that, once in a while, as a parent. Catch yourself, explain yourself, forgive yourself, do better.

Jenn A. Morales 🏳️‍🌈 📚
@bornangelauthor.bsky.social

Kids shouldn’t have social media until after they graduate. Sorry not sorry. As someone who lived through MySpace, Facebook booming, twitter seducers/groomers, and the peer pressure that goes waaay too far without the internets shenanigans. No socials until 17/18 at least.

Vince Katter
@vincekatter.bsky.social

As a parent - be aware of what you are trying to correct for in your own childhood experience. Boundaries for your kids are fences - start high and close, and explain precisely what they are. Expanding them and lowering them at the right speed will be the work of the next decade or two.

Nikko
@dyadiccalamity.bsky.social

"Curse words are home words." Prohibition is for suckers who want to actually encourage a behavior so they can demonize it. Also "just because you can (something is legal), doesn't mean you should (morality)."

kaitlynhalfpint.bsky.social
@kaitlynhalfpint.bsky.social

If your kid is picking up the three Rs and not causing a disturbance in class and isn’t traumatized by the act of attending class, their elementary grades do not matter. We tell my kid, you have to learn how to do school right now. Get used to the idea of performing for others. It will take practice

Some Random Dave
@somerandomdave.bsky.social

Read the ingredients on any over-the-counter meds you give your kids. Giving them diphenhydramine (most commonly known as Benedryl, but sold under a number of brands for a number of complaints) for motion-sickness, then allergies, then as a sleep aid is unlikely to have the desired effect.

Hugh Shanahan
@hughshanahan.bsky.social

"Does being a parent make you happy?" is a naive question. Parents are still adult and very individual humans. What it does do is provide a sense of purpose. You are, for a while at least, first of all Mum or Dad.